I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
