Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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