i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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