I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
