You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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