sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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