she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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