Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
