dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
