I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
