I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
