you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I smell stomach acid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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