the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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