You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
