The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
