I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
