I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
