His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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