I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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