Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
