Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
