my soul wont recognize me after tonight
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
