A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
