I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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