I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You're so nebulous sometimes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
