I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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