i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
