i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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