If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
