i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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