at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
