one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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