Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
