Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
