I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
