I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
