apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
