thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
