You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
