Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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