I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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