Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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