she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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