I bet he comes in French.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
