Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
