First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
