Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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