Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
