I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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