dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
