dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
