let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
sex in a hospital.. check
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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