YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
