it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
